"Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality" was written by Wesley Hill and published by Zondervan just this year. I heard about it on the radio, and I thought it was worth checking out, so I ordered it online after being unsuccessful at two bookstores. It is very well-written. Hill is my age, and he also attended a Christian university. However, our experiences are quite different. And I'm not exactly homosexual, nor do I have an on-going struggle with same-sex attraction. I've experienced it and don't care to have it back, but my real struggle is with despair and lack of faith. I have been in the emotional and spiritual struggles of which Hill writes, but I'm not there now. I'm sure that makes no sense. I've not looked forward to doing this book review 'cause I'm really not sure what I can say about myself. Not because it's the Internet world really, but I just want to keep it honest and real and not too depressing. I've mentioned it before, but I will summarize it again - the attitude that tends to define a lot of me, including oft times my sexuality and relationships, is the belief that this world and this life are not so great. I try not to shove God's gifts of life and His creation back in his face, but I seem to always come back to the conclusion that this whole deal is pretty...bad. Oh, I know it's for His glory, and the real glory is yet to come, and it's probably sinful to think the way I do, but I still couldn't see... I'm tired of talking about it. I'm out of practice. My opinion and feelings don't matter that much anyhow. I wish I could grasp that even more. But for now, I'd better go get ready for the Turkey.

No, no, I can't just end it like that. Hill talks a lot about loneliness and how important close friends are. Sigh. I had some of those once! No, I still have a close friend or two. This isn't going so well...this post. But if I could say what I wanna say, it's that I miss my friends. I'm sorry for being selfish and thoughtless, and I wish for many more second chances. But mostly I just want this life-thing to be over with. No, you don't need to worry about me. But I certainly haven't changed much as far as I can tell. Sigh.